As I look around at my peers these days, as we all immerse ourselves in the 40s, I am seeing the raw reality of life slam into us, unexpected and sobering. I have this theory that our childhood gave us experiences that were too traumatic for our little emotional systems to face. Combined with a society that didn’t honour emotions and parents that were raised to stifle them, we didn’t learn how to feel our feelings and they got stuck inside of us. Then in our teens and 20s, we distracted ourselves from any unfelt pain with excitement from friends, partying, the drive to succeed, sports, and more partying. In our 30s, we focused on creation; creating a career, a partnership, a family, a community. The creation was all-consuming and allowed little time for our thoughts to wander.
Now the 40s have approached. The career has become routine, the kids are a little easier because they sleep, booze isn’t working as the same escape as it used to, maybe a parent gets sick or passes away, and we seem to be hit with thoughts of “Life is short”, “I want more”, “Is this it?!”, “If this is it, then am I ok to settle with this?”, “Am I happy with the person I am?”, “Should we move away for a year?”, “Should I go back to school?”, “Should I have a kid?”, “I think I should get a puppy”. There seems to be a collective restlessness that is manifesting itself in many different behaviours.
I would say that before we act to soothe our restlessness with more excitement like we did in our 20s, please consider that this restlessness may be uncovering a need to look within. It may be a call to finally get to know the emotions that got stuck inside of us years ago. A call to finally take care of ourselves and connect with our truth. The journey isn’t easy but is deeply rewarding. When we get to know who we are underneath all the labels and achievements, the need to run or to find external excitement wanes because we find a deeper satisfaction in having, for the first time, a real relationship with our self.