Last week I wrote a post about the profound lesson I learned as my dad gradually lost his battle with cancer: We do not need to do anything to be worthy of love. We are all worth so much just for being here. It is our spirit that is loved not what we do.
We are born 100% connected to our spirit. That is why we were perfect and glowing as newborn babies. And when we die, as I witnessed with my dad’s passing, we will be so connected to our soul that we almost appear like a newborn baby again. The few hours before my dad left this world, he was smiling, present, and glowing like a baby. We glow as we enter this world, and we glow as we exit. So what happens in the ‘in between’?
As a culture, we are so disconnected from our spirits. We are so disconnected from our bodies, and from our emotions that reside there. We are like a bunch of walking heads. We are so disconnected from our hearts, which means we are disconnected from our values and our passions. We are so disconnected from our earth (thinking of Wet'suwet'en today), from our communities, and from each other.
Because we are disconnected, we hurt. And so we make decisions to get away from hurt and be happy. Because we are a bunch of walking heads, we think the answer lies in our minds so we fill our brains with more information on how to be happy. We read blogs, books, and articles on happiness. And we look around us and try to learn how to get happy. Our next-door neighbours seem happy and they have a bigger house and go on more vacations. That’s what we need, we conclude. We watch tv and look at Instagram feeds and see good-looking, fit, social, rich, powerful, minimalists who live in Dwell magazine houses and drink kale smoothies and we think “that is what I need to be happy”.
In my children’s book, The Girl and the Sun, the girl has a sun in her heart which represents her spirit. And she notices a cloud floating above her head. It talks to her as she goes about her day. It tells her she’s worse than other people, or better. It pulls her out of the present moment and has her searching for more. This cloud is floating above our heads too. It is the voice we hear that is responsible for pulling us away from our sun and bringing us to a place in our mind where we believe we need more to be happy.
But the truth is that happiness isn’t found in Dwell magazine houses, more vacations, better bodies, more friends, powerful jobs, or Gwyneth Paltrow goop living. Because, in actual fact, it is not happiness that we are looking for in the first place. It is connection. We hurt because we are longing for connection with our spirit, with our community’s spirit, and with the earth’s spirit.
So instead of searching out there for the answer to solve the hurt we feel, what we need to do is break down the barrier between our head and our heart and reunite with that part of us that glows when we are born and when we leave this world. It is possible to glow in the ‘in between’ of life.
We glow when we bring our spirit into the things of this world. When we learn to be a parent to ourselves and honour all our emotions. When we connect with our heart and discover what is important to us and what excites us. When we are present with people and connect with them by listening and being honest. When we notice the things in the world that make us angry and we take action. When we see others in pain and we help. We glow when we breath in the little things that make this world so beautiful.
At the end of my book, when the girl finds her sun again, its beams glow so much that they shine through the cloud and she paints the world with her rainbow. And that’s why we’re here. We are not here to be happy. We are here to give. We are here to paint the world with the colours of our spirit.
The sun, cloud, and rainbow metaphors that make up the story in my children’s book The Girl and the Sun were molded piece by piece from my own pain and subsequent drive to overcome it. I use these metaphors every day to parent myself and my children. They are not my own ideas. They come from many teachers along the way: Anita Johnston, Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Jeff Foster, Tara Brach, Marianne Williamson, and many counselors and colleagues who guided me along my journey. Through The Girl and The Sun I can now share them with the world. Please visit www.ashleyandthesun.com/free-handouts-parents-and-teachers for free handouts and www.ashleyandthesun.com for a thorough explanation of the sun, cloud and rainbow metaphors.