6 years ago my dad passed away after battling cancer. In the months before his death, I watched the activities he loved so dearly slowly fall away. It began with him having to retire from emergency medicine because a stem cell transplant left his immune system unable to effectively protect his body. Then came the sports. “I can no longer road bike.”, he said. And then “Golfing is over.”, he declared.
When I noticed his hands too tense to play the piano, I saw him slump in his chair. He turned to me and said “Everything is gone from my life. I am not worth anything anymore.” I remember feeling so shocked that my beautiful dad, in his wise age, could be so wrong. He had no idea the worth he had to me. To our family. Just sitting there in a chair, his presence was so deeply loved and appreciated. He was worth so much. We are all worth so much just for being here. What a lesson I learned in that moment.
And then he eventually passed and the lesson was profound. To feel the emptiness after he was gone made me realize how worthy one’s spirit is. We don’t need to do anything to be worthy of love. We are all worthy of love just for being.
In my children’s book The Girl and The Sun, the sun represents our true self, our spirit or our soul. When we are born, we are 100% connected to this spirit. This is why I would walk into my baby’s room to pick her up after a nap and almost stop breathing because she was glowing with a ‘magic’ that is hard to describe. This is why everyone calls newborns “perfect”: they are perfect because they are fully connected to their spirit. This is why pets are so loved: they give us the opportunity to touch the soul (see image of myself and my dog Turtle). This is why I felt more connected to my dad once all the external things had fallen away and he was closer to his heart.
For humans, the 100% pure spirit of babies doesn’t last long. As a child grows, layers slowly begin to cover up their soul. If you have older children, even though you love them deeply, you will notice the “stop you from breathing” magic does fade. And then adults, well, it’s very clear that there are a lot of layers.
The layers develop as we begin to identify with the voice in our mind (or ‘the cloud’ as I name it in my children’s book) that says we are worthy because we: Own lots of toys. Clean up our room. Have lots of friends. Get good grades. Look good. Have a cool job or many diplomas. Are an athlete or an artist. Earn lots of money. Work out a lot. Get lots of ‘likes’.
If we only knew we were diminishing our spirit by piling layers on top of it in an attempt to feel more worthy. If we only knew we were already 100% worthy.
I love filing my life with things, activities, sports, business creations, fun clothes, and yes I get caught in the whole ‘how many likes did I get for that blog’ thing, and that’s ok because we can have fun with the things of the world. The problem lies when we need these things to define who we are.
I am working hard to not let these things define who I am. I am working hard to know I am worthy even if all these things fall away. I tell my children every day: “I love you 100% no matter what you do. That love does not go up or down. It is always 100%.” My hope is that, from a very young age, they know that it is their sprit, their presence, their soul that I love. My hope is that with this knowledge they won’t need to work hard at knowing they are worthy of love as I have had to do. Their worth will just be a knowing they carry with them as they have fun with the things of this world.
The sun, cloud, and rainbow metaphors that make up the story in my children’s book The Girl and the Sun were molded piece by piece from my own pain and subsequent drive to overcome it. I use these metaphors every day to parent myself and my children. They are not my own ideas. They come from many teachers along the way: Anita Johnston, Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Jeff Foster, Tara Brach, Marianne Williamson, and many counselors and colleagues who guided me along my journey. Through The Girl and The Sun I can now share them with the world. Please visit www.ashleyandthesun.com/free-handouts-parents-and-teachers for free handouts and www.ashleyandthesun.com for a thorough explanation of the sun, cloud and rainbow metaphors.